Dear Readers,
I hereby would like to thank each and everyone of you for supporting me during my wonderful blogging journey. I would like to inform you that this blog will no longer be active as of Tuesday February 22, 2011.
The blog, however, has been moved to a new website, same blog, same posts, same everything, except for the new look and a few more things I hope you all will love.
Kindly, follow the link below.
http://www.sigaza.com/
Sincerely,
Nader K.
لم أعتد الكتابة بالعربية. بل، وإن صح العبير أنني لم أحاول الكتابة العربية بالشكل المطلوب حيث أنني لم أكتب بالعربية سوى واجباتي المدرسية التي لطالما بدت لا منهية على الإطلاق، وقائمة مشرتيات السوق. صراحةً، لم أشأ الكتابة بالعربية لأنني أريد أن تصل رسالتي للغرب. فنحن العرب أدرى بحالنا، أما الغرب فلا يعلمون إلا ما يشاهدون ويقرأون في الإعلام الذي باتت فئة قليلة من الناس تتحكم فيه.
من خلف شاشتي الصغيرة أتكلم. حاكماً بالأعمال الشاقة مؤبداً على أناملي التي لم تكل ولم تتعب من الكتابة على لوحة المفاتيح منذ أن كنت في السادسة من عمري. شاشتي الصغيرة التي لطالما كانت نافذتي على العالم، أتعرف على ذاك وتلك وأكون العلاقات الاجتماعية مع من أرى في طريقي فاتحاً عيني على العالم من حولي، عالمٌ لم أكن أعلم عنه إلا القليل.
لا أنكر بأني عرفت العديد من الفتيات الحسناوات من مختلف بقاع الأرض. لا أنكر بأني عشقت العشرات، السمراوات والشقراوات، متوسطات الطول وطويلات، من هنا وهناك، من بين سطور رواياتٍ أكلها الغبار على المكتب، من بين العديد من الأشياء. الكثير منها. أحببتهن كلهن، أحببت أولهن أكثر، وأحببت آخرهن بجنون، بل أحببتهن كلهن مع تفاوت الدرجات بين الإعجاب والحب والهذيان.
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I have always considered the candle as a symbol of hope because, it lights your way through deep darkness shattering it, making you see, step forward towards your goal, showing you the right path.
I have always considered my dad as my hero, a person I have always wanted to be like when I grow to become a father, a person I have always loved. My mom too, who still supports me, knowing how to make me smile, a person I’ve always wanted my wife to be like, loving, caring, sensitive, and beautiful.
I step into my room, close the door, and my world starts up. Another electric shortage, I light my candle, and play a good piano track I have always loved to listen to. I stare at this white blank page, wondering, asking myself so many questions.
I write to vent. I write because, it’s my passion. I write because, it’s my only way out. I write because I can’t do anything better than this. I write to share and because, I can’t keep this in my chest for long.
Here comes a night. A night one the sort I have always hated. A night that has never ended but with me being really sad, really shattered. Shattered thoughts, and memories.
The piano track has always moved me, and I always find it touching, reminding me of many things, awakening the good in me, and awakening the feeling of something of which I have not known a name.
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A cup of coffee, relaxing music, papers, a blue pen, and a very quiet night was the combo of tonight. One of those nights I got used to, since the Israeli F16s didn’t roam in the Gazan skies for the past week because of the heavy rain.
It was very calm yesterday, and I was enjoying the relaxing music as I was sipping my regular mug of coffee. I was full of inspiration that moment, I grabbed my pen and a paper, and started sketching, trying to understand what’s going on within my mind. I couldn’t come up with anything understandable as I sketched, even I myself, couldn’t understand what’s on my mind.
What I know is how it felt; it was like if I was on an adrenaline rush, eyes wide open as if I was afraid of something or sensing a surrounding danger, over a billion thought raging within my mind.
A few minutes later, I stopped sketching; I gave up on that because it wasn’t getting me anywhere that’s when I opened my word processing application and all I could do was stare at the empty white page thinking of a way to break the silence around me with the sound of my fingers playing on the keyboard like a pianist playing his favorite piece.
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Assalamu Alaikum every one. This would probably be my last blog post for a while (I pray it won’t take long before I hit another Publish button).
Neither I nor anybody else can deny the fact that I have been writing very sharp lately. Truth is, as you all know, I write because it’s my passion. I write to show what is it to be Gazan, and we, Gazans, are human beings, we live, love, feel sad and depressed. We, Gazans, have feelings too, just like you do.
My recent two posts were very angry and furious, I know I have used strong language because I have been really bothered and I hated the fact that such thoughts are actually occupying a big part of my mind, and my time.
Most of you are probably wondering what this post is going to be about, and I hereby would like to thank each and every one contributed, in a way or another, whether by verbal support, emails, comments, DM, and tweets. You people are the best and I could never, no matter what, have better friends and readers than you all.
I have been writing very sharply recently, reflecting a real part of my life, writing down what goes on in my mind, trying to vent, I always write to vent, and this is because life in Gaza isn’t normal, compared to life anywhere outside, on the other side of the borders.
Because I write with all honesty, and I never hesitate or think twice before writing and sharing whatever goes on my mind, some people have been bothered with that. People I have always loved and cared about. People I’ve always regarded to as friends and family.
I guess being too much honest and clear, and writing whatever crosses my mind doesn’t seem to be liked by many. I know I shouldn’t listen to them, I know I shouldn’t feel down at all no matter what anybody says, and I know that I have to take all of this as a stronger motivation to write sharper and with extreme honesty because the main objective of this blog is to vent and let people know what’s going on in Gaza, from my personal point of view.
In my two most recent posts, I talked about the types of people I met, and talked about my own point of view about that not hiding a word at all. What hurts the most is that many of those I have always regarded as close friends have been misunderstanding me to the fact that I had to go through endless problems and arguing ending up losing them.
It’s sad how honestly and clarity in writing is being misunderstood especially by the close ones, what’s sadder, is losing them at the end of the road because of that.
I know that I have been really sharp and angry in writing recently, but I hope you all understand that the main reason behind all that was because I’ve been really depressed, sad, and in a total shock of disbelief of what has been happening recently.
I guess the more haters I get, the more lovers I get, and the more motivation to write. Good news is, I’ll still write honest and clear, like I used to. I believe that many people do actually like what I write regardless of the category I write under.
I won’t stop writing, and may the number of the haters increase, because if this means anything, it means that I’m very successful at what I do best, writing. I’ll always be the same person you once knew. I shall be that till the day I die.
Love and respect.
Nader K.
Life, oh dear life, for how long will this remain?
Life has been very disappointing and depressing. Life is becoming more of that by the day. I wonder whether it gets worse as I drink my bitter coffee every day. I wonder if anything new will ever happen.
What happens in life is real and it never leaves anyone alone. Not even the loneliest ever known in the history of mankind. I watch people around me deal with life matters as I drink my cup of coffee, a cup of bitter liquid that has never been bitter than life.
I still wonder whether it’s life that’s disappointing, or people who live around me are. In my life, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people who keep on supporting me when I’m down and encourage me to beat hardships and go on with my life like nothing happened, well, I learn my lesson after all.
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Life has never been better lately and I, with all honesty can’t deny that. Life has been full of happy occasions, events, and moments, and it’s pretty normal that to face hardships and/or bad moments, events, or even occasions.
Most of you reading so far probably don’t know what’s the reason behind all of this, and that’s going on with me with this so-called life. For that, allow me to introduce the new me, and don’t rush it, it’s just a matter of time before you realize who’s the new me is going to be.
Nobody can deny the fact that life is full of ups and downs, u smile for a minute, and you frown for an hour. This is pretty normal in such a world we live in, and if you deny that, I guess you’re not one of us, humans.
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I’ve been suffering from a higher level of insomnia for the past 2 nights. I lay in bed freezing, while I should be sleeping, resting, and feeling warm. This is what it feels like whenever I remember that morning.
I wake up to a huge explosion, and a shaking building, I cough too hard because I can’t breathe, the air is full of dust, and I can’t open my eyes at all.
This is what it feels like not being able to sleep at night, as explosions happen by the heartbeat, being able to hear the tanks half a kilometer away from home, the voices of martyrs as their souls leave their bodies, see the wounded crawling for help, and the Apaches firing missiles on people, houses, and whatever that moves within shooting range.
I lived all of this, all of it and still do I struggle, face the fear in me, and stand my ground. But sometimes, I’m back to my normal state, at which I’m sad and heartbroken seeing all of them around me, smiling, living.
I shout, I shout, but nobody’s home, I look deep inside and start to doubt whether it were them or me.
Then I start asking myself, “Should I change like they did? Or did they change to the level that I’m no longer at the same level they’re at? Is it I? Or them? Or is it both of us?” I can’t figure out which party did change, and why do I keep resisting *sigh*. Read the rest of this entry »
Today was the last day in 2010, which means that tomorrow will be the first day in 2011. I never thought I never thought that I would celebrate it like almost everybody around the world does. Instead of throwing huge New Year’s Eve party with lots of food, drink, and people celebrating the end of a year and welcoming a new one wishing that this year will be full of success, happiness, and great achievements, the thing that everybody craves for.
We, Gazans, don’t really celebrate the New Year’s Eve for a reason or two but mainly because we lack the experience in throwing huge party I believe. Read the rest of this entry »
My name is Nader and I am 23 years old. I came to Gaza at the age of 6, started my education journey here and I am graduating from the university this semester inshaAllah.
First off, allow me to introduce myself in words. I am passionate and ambitious, a computer geek and talented in almost everything I do and/or know. I have an all around awesome personality, and truth to be told, I barely complain.
When I go though hardships, I am just one of those rocks you can never break. But when I can’t take it anymore, and I said it before, I complain like a b**** because when I do that I am more like a volcano exploding throwing fire balls every where.
“You’re time’s up, my time’s NOW!” A few minutes ago, my angry explosion was triggered, and don’t ask the reason why!
I have been holding this within my chest since I ever stepped foot in Gaza in late 1993. All of this has been accumulating, growing bigger by the minute to the fact that I can no longer take it anymore. I managed to hold my ground and face all the kinds of hardships I face as a special case of a person with the fact of being Gazan, but the thing that everybody keeps forgetting is that I am a human being too, and I have feelings. So if you don’t/can’t understand that, just walk away and stop being so pathetically sympathetic with us Gazans. Read the rest of this entry »
